Chapter 5: Mighty Fall

1 Corinthians 13 KJV Though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

I wanted revenge. I wanted to lash out at the world. I had just been cheated on the second time in my life. I was clearly upset as you can see, and I was gazed into a deep self-reflection alone in my vehicle. What the heck just happened to me?

“Where did I make those mistakes? What were the reasons? What led me to that point in my life? Whom I was surrounded with? What were the things that I was doing? What wrong choices was I making? What attitudes and character such as anger/bitterness allowed these things to happen?”

I remember sitting in my car that one afternoon with tears streaming down my eyes. I had been driving home to my Dad’s house while listening to a song called “White Flag” by Jon Bellion which basically reiterates, ‘I surrender’ but in a unique way; not Christian but of surrender.

Wow! This is the flying lesson!

Every single time I did not put God at the foundation of my core or pursuit in life, I failed. It was only when I gave up trying to do things in my own strength that God was able to shine through my weakness.

To scan a QR Code, point your camera on your Andrioid, Tablet or Iphone at the QR Code.

[Intro]

Man

I was about to give up on love…

Then she came along

Everything seems okay now

Beautiful Mind, Let’s go

[Chorus]

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Yeah you came along and you saved me

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Yeah you came along and you saved me

[Verse 1]

I’m lying down just to waste some time

Just to rest my mind, and make sure I’m not going crazy

This room is so small and these walls are closing in, and they’re beginning to chase me

I’m lost, I’m so lost, and my mind’s gone

S.O.S what I’ve called for so long

I’m thinking that they’ve called off the search

Cause the weathers gettin’ worse

And my battleship is sinking

Switch it up!

[Pre-Chorus]

(And then you call) and then you call

(And then you call) and you make everything alright

(And then you call) and then you call

(And then you call) and you make everything alright

[Chorus]

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Yeah you came along and you saved me

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Yeah you came along and you saved me

[Verse 2]

I was sick of running from shadows

And I know that you’re here and I’m okay for sure

My eyes bright and I can’t see

You’re a life saver I ain’t talking ‘bout candy

These feelings keep on pushing me

Since when do I like cuddling?

Those hectic days are under me, you’re my little sugar bee

Things are now so lovely

This song I sing it comes from me, the bottom of my soul

It sings!

“Girls I was so lost”

Switch it up!

[Pre-Chorus]

(And then you call) and then you call

(And then you call) and you make everything alright

(And then you call) and then you call

(And then you call) and you make everything alright

[Chorus]

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Yeah you came along and you saved me

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Yeah you came along and you saved me

[Verse 3]

Yeah, (la da da da da da da da da da ohhh)

(Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I need you to break it down like)

I need you to break it down like

I need you to break it, to break it

To break it down like

To break it down YEAH!

[Outro]

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

I had my white flag wavin’ up and down

Then you came around, then you saved me

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

Wavin’ my white flag

Wav- wavin’ my white flag

I surrendered.

Who is the real savior? Jesus Christ.

I gave up. I was tired.

Tired of being rebellious and tired from running from God. I was tired of being hurt. Tired of being a liar. I was tired of making the same mistakes over and over again in my life.

“God, just why? I need her. I need her. Where is she, oh God? I need her.”

Very soon after did I meet a woman named Sofia who scared me for my life? With my big green eyes, terrified is an easy way to put it. In the midst of my strike, I had fallen extremely low.

It was a complete Deja vu for me. Deja vu? What do I mean?

Let’s keep reading.

In my youth days, I sang many songs about a woman that I was to run away from; she was evil; at least I perceived her that way; maybe it was just a reflection of myself. I was convinced that God was trying to show me something when I met this woman.

I began running through the old songs that I sang and recorded in my past. Those same songs that kept me in chains growing up reminding me of who I was every time I listened to them over and over again. You know what the best thing is? God freed me from those songs bounding me in chains by helping me reverse the words of those songs later on in my spiritual growth.

That night it was raining outside and I would sit in my chair looking up outside the basement window in complete tears as the songs played through and through. I felt like I was on a mission to understand something. Trying to find some kind of hidden message that maybe God dropped there for me because I felt like I had lived or was living the experience I wrote about several years prior.

If I were to scroll back to my teen years to give you a spitting image of me when I was singing these songs, you could imagine a young teen sitting in his bedroom at an office desk. I had a cigarette in my left hand, an ashtray full of black/gray burnt cigarettes accompanied by remnants of marijuana cigarettes.

I would write and sing over top of songs that I came across over the internet piecing my own thoughts together and the thoughts of others. I had a lot of pride those days and a very big ego. I would sing songs as If I was special or better than others; unique. Calling myself “one of a kind,” wanting fame and fortune, wanting people to love me. I clearly had no idea what the importance of life is all about?

There is a story about a man who passed away during surgery and in this time, he had encountered Jesus. A man who was never religious. He always believed in God but had doubts in his life. One day, he was taken to the hospital after filling ill on a trip to Monaco. His blood pressure was extremely high, and he went straight into an X-Ray Room. The results came back and it was bad news; he had an aneurysm and was bleeding internally. They proceeded to take him into surgery immediately with a 50 percent change of living.

They took his heart out of his body, and he went unconscious. Two beams of light came over his right shoulder, and he heard a voice, an authoritative voice, not a loud voice but authoritative, and he said, “don’t turn around, because, if you see my face, you will have to stay here. That would be okay if you stayed here, but I have a job for you.” He replied, “I know who you are,” The man replied, “Oh, you do?” while proceeding to walk back and forth behind him. “Well, do you have any more questions before you leave?” So, the man began thinking of questions and asked, “What is the meaning of life.” The man replied while laughing, “You know, many people have spoken to me and asked the same things and its really quite simple, but I will tell you what, when you come back, we will sit down together and you can ask all the questions you want. I will answer for you. Okay, it is time for you to go back.” The man turned around and put his arms around him. It was the feeling that he could not explain. Unconditional love that words cannot fathom to interpret. The next thing he heard was the nurse saying, “I think it is time for him to come out of it now; his body is at 90 degrees.”

The true purpose of life meant for by God is about love. God has placed us here giving us the ability to recognize our own gifts, strengths, and he desires us to use them to contribute to the world—whether those gifts are playing beautiful music for others to enjoy, helping friends solve problems, or simply bringing more joy into the lives of those around you.

“Maybe I am just a puzzle and you’re supposed to work the pieces.” What is your opinion of that statement? Are we all pieces to the puzzle? Joined, unified as one body? Connection breathing life to each other? What makes a puzzle, a puzzle? Puzzles joined together form a bigger identity. The pieces fit perfectly into each other when you have found connection. When we buy a puzzle, complete in its box; we expect that all the pieces are there in the box to make the complete image. Why don’t we trust God with the pieces in place in our lives?

I was so completely lost at this time of my life. It was as if I had wanted revenge. I wanted to get back at those that hurt me, and I was very wrong to be thinking this way. I think God was aware of what I was doing and the direction I was heading into and perhaps, he was trying to block me for my own good. I was marked in all these sins that I didn’t really know, acknowledge or understand.

I remember talking to a few priests while all this was happening to me. I will never forget the look on the priests face when I turned to him and said, “I have never sinned, what sin?” as I walked away headed to go home.

How foolish was I?

It was until I came to know the gospel intimately by actually reading it that the eyes of my heart were opened to the sin I allowed to take root in my heart. I realized as I got to know Jesus Christ that I had issues in my life that I needed to be dealt with, so I am going to share to you one of the pages of my first confessions to God.

I wrote this letter in a garden in the backyard of a church while laying down in the grass all by myself. It was my first confession after what seemed like 15 years; at least it felt that way to me.

MY CONFESSION TO JESUS

I am sorry for addictive smoking.

I am sorry for meeting with others without the knowledge / testing of their spirit.

I am sorry for being so judgmental.

I am sorry for having a hard head.

I am sorry for not doing my part in showing love to all people.

I am sorry for lies both small and big.

I am sorry for my competitive nature.

I am sorry for not donating always.

I am sorry for sex before marriage. I am fully committed to abstinence now.

I am sorry for obtaining so much fear from TV shows, stories, media and more.

I am sorry for making music that did not pertain to your will.

I am sorry for reading horoscopes.

I am sorry for having a big ego.

I am sorry for gambling.

I am sorry for hanging out with the wrong crowd.

I am sorry for allowing negativity to affect my life.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to come back to you.

I am sorry I missed Sunday mass and not keeping the Sabbath day holy, especially when tending to my fathers requests to work.

I am sorry I was afraid to be myself.

I am sorry I stopped caring for others and helped myself.

I am sorry for developing an attitude of greed/pride.

I am sorry for my anger towards my brother.

I am sorry for my lack of expression of my feelings that I bottled up inside.

I really want to be a better person and be closer to you God.

I am sorry for my crazy imagination that believes everything I hear and see.

I am sorry for my lust after my breakup.

I am sorry for committing adultery.

I am sorry for wanting things I cannot have.

I am sorry for being close to people that were harming my inner peace.

I am sorry for not praying or praying too repetitively.

I am sorry for thinking that I am special. I am only human.

Please have mercy on me.

I am sorry for not coming home to you. Here I come, Father.

I am sorry for not loving myself as I should have.

Let’s fast-forward, shall we? I still do not know exactly why I met Sofia, but she scared me for my life. Interesting enough, when translated, Sofia means wisdom; not that it means anything but still interesting. She was rather different, especially spiritually, and she was not like normal people you meet every day. I was not attracted to her at all but I did like the fact that she could see me in its transparency. She appreciated me as a person and that means a lot to me. She would tell me things that not many people knew about me, and she would also quote scripture. She knew the contents of the bible, torah and quran and acknowledged Jesus as a prophet. I should have been a little more cautious with her because of the wide range of her beliefs, but how else was I to be a light for her if I completely rejected her? What would Jesus do? What did Jesus do for the Samaritan in John 4 of the bible? Let’s read.

Jesus Talks With a Samaritan Woman

1 Now Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that he was gaining and baptizing more disciples than John— 2 although in fact it was not Jesus who baptized, but his disciples. 3 So he left Judea and went back once more to Galilee.

4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a])

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

17 “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

The Disciples Rejoin Jesus

27 Just then his disciples returned and were surprised to find him talking with a woman. But no one asked, “What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with her?”

28 Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, 29 “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” 30 They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

31 Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”

32 But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”

33 Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”

34 “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. 35 Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. 36 Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. 37 Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. 38 I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”

Many Samaritans Believe

39 Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” 40 So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. 41 And because of his words many more became believers.

42 They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.

All this was foreign and unusual for an innocent soul such as myself, so I would repeatedly try to decipher what it was that I was going through at this time of my life. I continuously searched the bible for answers. I remember trying to piece pictures and stories together from other people’s lives to see if they experienced the same thing as me researching online through resources like Google, Reddit or Yahoo Answers.

You have to remember that I am gullible and that I came to God as a child. I didn’t know anything about his word. It was all fresh and new and quite exciting to learn.

Sofia had this endearing kindness in my presence although I could sense that I needed to have a bit of caution because she did not serve the same God as me. She was Muslim. Whoa, before you judg or discriminate and jump to conclusions, let’s continue reading, shall we? We were only friends. I liked and felt comfortable that she could see ‘me’ and I appreciated that.

Sofia would say that I would just bring joy and light to her in my presence. She would refer to me as a light worker which clearly I didn’t understand. She was the first person in my life to tell me I needed to forgive my Dad. Why did I need to forgive my dad? I never even thought about it. Perhaps, I had forgotten or blindfolded my past and didn’t forgive him for leaving us and my mom many years ago, and she saw the pain that was there. She was the first one that told me I needed to forgive others. She recommended things like meditation, etc., but I know those types of things aren’t good for our spirit because they focus on us rather than on God. Perhaps though, they can sometimes be good for us if we focus on God and not on ourselves.

I do, however, remember distinctly, the night when she scared me for my life. Being the innocent and gullible boy that I am, she began sharing these unusual things on her drive out to Ottawa with her family that made no sense to me. She would send me pictures of stories all the way back to Adam and Eve.

One of the last things she said to me is, “you have until 1:00 am” and then she disappeared. My only expression, “What the heck just happened?”

“Did she do something to me? I have until 1:00 am? For what? Am I going to die? What is going to happen to me? Why did you just do that? Are you some kind of wacko?”

[BLOCKED] – I blocked her.

I feared I was going to die that evening or that something bad was going to happen to me. I remember waiting up that night past 1:00 am whilst my dad and his girlfriend watched TV upstairs they knew what she had done and were concerned. I laid there in my bed in my room praying to God to protect me for hours.

To scan a QR Code, point your camera on your Andrioid, Tablet or Iphone at the QR Code.

“Here we go, on this path,

We will rise, on this track,

This is so fun, it makes me smile,

Shh, listen and stay for a little while,

You should see me when I dance,

I get so happy, as I prance,

My smile can light up a room,

Move around, can’t swipe away all the dust in a room,

With a broom? I can’t compete, we are all the same,

All the same, a cross simply doesn’t,

Discriminate,

Three hours left,

and I can only pray that you’ll protect me from death,

I prayed and prayed to you all day,

I know you sent your protectors my way,

Blessing in the sky, a cardinal attacks the crow,

It’s a blessing to know,

You are actually listening,

and to you my brother and sister, I want you to know,

My heart has now become filled with light,

Good man up there, hand and healed my inside,

In faith I will stay, in faith I remain,

I trust in you Lord, I trust in your every way,

See now, I understand the song,

‘You lift me up,’

If I live past tomorrow,

I will give praise and thanks with all of my might,

I will fight for your right,

Fight, leave all my wrongs and worries behind,

Lift up your heart,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

To me it’s quite genuine, rest assured,

I hope in time I’ll be fine,

Music and melody, seems like good heavens on my mind,

I just wanted to take some time,

To say thank you, to the almighty,

For your blessing, how amazing,

Here’s my testimony, here’s my art,

You’re the reason that I lived my life,

You are so gracious it’s become deep love inside,

Suppose maybe I don’t and didn’t need anything,

So long as I’ve got you by my side,

And together we walk, as footprints in the sand,

You carried me, and I am grabbing your hand,

It’s no wonder my window is marked, arrow pointed upward,

Condensation of water, never leaves my sight,

In the hottest of nights, thank you for dealing love,

Only you know how it’s been so tough,

It only comes from above,

It’s love,

Lift up your heart,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

Surely everything must have been my fault,

Like is it love hidden in a vault?

Who knows the digits?

And believe me, he carries smidget,

You ask; is it? Gone and locked away?

Or will it be something coming my way,

I don’t know now, you tell me?

Sing along, rejoice and perhaps it may?

All of us singing in the end of May,

Lift up your heart,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

I used to think about a perfect girl, every night,

Oh what a wonderful sight,

Married woman longs to suit her husband,

While single righteous man, fears wronging mindlessness,

I’ve longed and waited for you girl, to recommit,

Thinking maybe we can lock away this conflict,

No more hatred, no more sadness, surely no more sorrow,

Too many broken hearts, mine is tender,

I am concerned of you wanting to borrow,

Break it, erase it, fade it, trace it or embrace it?

Don’t hurt mine, first change yours,

I don’t think it’s all your fault,

Away, now, away now, let it just go away,

It seemed to be a world of garbage,

In a place that we lay,

Lift up your heart,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

Is it my fault that,

The idea’s in my mind,

Of a perfect wife and everything I want,

Are so hard to find?

Only He’s knows what I got on my mind,

Everything that I held deep inside,

He knows my love,

He knows my wrongs,

He knows what I had been doing,

All along,

Lift up your heart,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

If I am a branch or a stem,

And I’ve trimmed the bad stems of my branch or,

Stems of my stems,

Removed most of the things so far,

I did not like about myself,

Who is the man in the mirror?

I think I’ll try to put on his armor,

Maybe you’ll hear me clearer,

Imaginary car, now steer,

I’ve looked for good in every person,

Now sometimes I read from American Standard Version,

It’s seems like all evil is always drawn to me,

Oh how it has wronged me,

Temptation all of the time,

I’m sorry, no, not this time,

Even when I try to fall,

That something always pops up to keep me in line,

Thank you for the $2200.00 fine,

Punishment, happy and grateful,

I’m just a man who always looks for the right,

Better to die fighting for good in God,

Ignoring all the things untasteful;

Hear now, I am putting up a fight,

I don’t know what that makes me,

They teach alpha,

But I think one day beta,

Maybe I am both,

Maybe I’m not,

I’ll think of him and give it all I got,

At the lowest of my lows,

I found him,

At least it feels that way,

I want to be with Him

Forever,

Follow him; oh will I ever!

He’s helped me so much,

Even when I didn’t know,

What a graceful love he has got to show,

I love him so much,

Thank you for everything that you did for me.

I am as grateful as I can ever be.

I praise you, I thank you,

Hallelujah,

I lift my heart up to you know,

Thank you for your healing and dealing your love

Someone once asked me what the $2200.00 fine was?

One night, I sang a song to God in my apartment alone. It was a beautiful song about putting God first. Oddly enough, that same night, I was invited to go with friends and my cousin to go out dancing. I hesitated at first but then decided to get dressed and proceeded to meet them at a nightclub which was not too far from home. That night, I ended up meeting a woman who tried to pick me up at the club. She was much older and by the end of the night she attempted to invite me to jump into a cab back to her place. Oh, the temptation… my first initial response was to run, so I turned down the invite to the taxicab and drove myself home that night. When I got home, I began second guessing myself and my decision and proceeded to get ready to go out to visit her place. As I reversed my car on my driveway, I hit a brand-new Audi R8 on its side. The cost for repairs on the rear bumper was $2200.00. I didn’t go that night to her place after all and I thanked God immediately after for stopping me from going down that path. It was a costly mistake but one I am glad that happened.

Sorry for going sideways on you there; I wanted to cover any points of confusion.

Meeting Sofia and the experience with this woman really stressed me out to a point of physical stress. My gullible mind had taken it too far and I missed some important family get together one weekend because of the impact the anxiety had on me. It was a traumatic experience. It was impacting me physically and you could see it in my face. I removed her completely from my life and proceeded to grow in my relationship with God. One thing I should add is that I forgave her too shortly after.

Surprisingly enough, two months later, I unblocked her… I am not sure why I unblocked her, but I just felt like it was necessary.

Coming to know God, I was learning to be more forgiving.

I reached back out to her to ask her why she did what she did for closure, and I found out, that, that same night, her bedroom caught on fire. She showed me photos to prove it too. It kind of shocked me hearing the story because that is the last thing I expected to happen but it was the truth. Her laptop exploded under her bed while she was sleeping. She sent me photographs of the wreckage for proof. She survived the fire but her family’s home did not. The whole family was forced to live out of a hotel for a few months following while they worked with the insurance company for repairs on their home.

Although she scared me for my life, she opened my eyes to who I was in the mirror at that time of my life. There was unforgivingness, there was bitterness, there was anger and there were things I needed to deal with. I was held captive in my problems. I could not do it without God’s help. Indirectly, meeting her at this time of my life, encouraged me to seek God closely and establish a stronger relationship with Jesus. That is what I got out of the relationship.

Sofia once told me that the way I perceived her was the way I perceived myself, mirrors of the heart. How do you think I perceived her in this experience? Evil? Crazy? Kind? Confused?

In the end, I was very forgiving of what she did regardless of the pain it caused me because the reward I received was greater. I don’t know why I met her, even a priest agreed that her spirituality was quite questionable, but I do know where and what that situation in my life had led me to. That is what matters to me the most. Perhaps it was why I was so forgiving of what she did to me. At last, I found myself sitting in a church pew; almost daily, picking up a bible that I had never read before in my life. Now that, is a life changing experience.

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Chapter 5: Mighty Fall

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