Chapter 16: Where is She, Oh God?

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I’ll start this,

I can’t just sit here,

And not,

Tell this story,

The testimony,

Of what you’re doing, and will do,

For me,

I don’t want their praise,

I don’t want their love,

All I ask is that it magnifies and glorifies,

Where this all comes from,

Do I even need to mention a name?

You know, the one,

Who rose from the grave?

Sat at the right

Hand of the father,

I am going to ride along,

Won’t you please, Lord,

Just lead the way,

Your steer the way,

You pave the streets,

Shine your light for me,

Seeking kingdom come,

And I will run,

The race that you,

Set out for me,

Seeking kingdom come,

Will I run?

Where does the desire in my heart,

Come from?

You steer the way,

You take the wheel,

Light the path for me,>>;;

Help me find it,

You and me,

Hand in hand,

You see,

You know my rights,

You know my wrongs,

You know my faults,

Though I shall not want,

I ask, will you please,

Bring me to my bride,

Bring me to my wife,

Bring her to my life,

You know the one,

When I close my eyes,

The one, that,

God created, beautifully,

Shining bright,

Specifically for me,

She is worth more,

than rubies,

And you baby,

I cannot wait to meet,

Please don’t cry anymore,

Wipe those tears from those eyes,

Did you go endlessly searching?

Like me,

Did you get hurt, give your heart,

To be left in the dirt,

I hope that he fills you up,

Your cup,

For He loveth,

A cheerful giver,

His love and mercy,

Flowing like a river,

Streams of living water,

He loves you even more,

Than me,

I definitely must be ready,

Mature, and worthy,

I will be patient,

Walking by faith,

Hand in hand with God,

Almighty,

I promise to love you,

With all the love that you need,

And keeping God’s love in between,

Us, holding us, molding us,

Together, as one,

I cannot even wait to the day,

When I hold you,

And our son/daughter,

Lifting up high,

Holding you tight,

And in my mind,

Being thankful in time,

Cannot even explain,

What this means to me?

Thank you,

That I have inside me,

Bursting, colors,

Light, shining,

With you in my arms,

We will just keep praising,

Thanking, the king,

Cause I need my rib,

I need my helper,

How can I do this without her,

Why do I feel the pain,

On my ribs,

Where could she be,

I pray she isn’t disappointing thee,

I pray she’s finding you,

Like me,

Looking into your eyes,

Riding, and

Running to your beautiful arms,

How comforting,

Away from all harm, wolves,

and were sheep,

Loves you more,>

Than, I,

Can Ever,

Believe,

My helper, my caresser,

I need her,

Where, oh where, can she be,

Am I lost,

Or am I found at sea,

Waiting patiently,

Seeking kingdom come,

And will I run,

The race,

Set out, before me,

Before me,

Glorifying God,

In my life you see,

Tell them how you do,

Write my wrongs,

Tell them how,

You are the one that I am leaning on,

Where I find my peace,

Where I find my rest,

Finish the test, and then I am blessed,

God help them to believe,

God help them to see,

As I write and begin,

To share this story,

From the darkest of my past,

To the greatest of your light,

Love, here I have,

I’ve got testimony,

For all eyes to see,

As you write my, story,

As you are shining bright,

As you are shining bright,

As you shine your light,

There is a time,

For everything.

I have been waiting and walking by faith towards God and you for a few years now. Thank God for being with me this whole journey even when I didn’t know he was always there. God made it clear to me years ago that it would take roughly three years for my restoration in order to find love again. The same time I lost, I needed to gain. I actually noticed this pattern through situations while growing up and the consistency has never changed; three years per lesson. I almost gave up too. It amazes me that it was until I surrendered to God fully is when I believe he provided the blessing I needed; through compassion and mercy towards me. This constantly reminds me of how God was willing to sacrifice his son or how Jesus was willing to sacrifice his life for us in order to show us his love. I was willing to give up the biggest and strongest desire in my heart in order to show him mine.

This story or book is something that I have to share as an obligation. God knows exactly what we need. For me, it was having a daily relationship with him that was important. I needed his presence and I needed to have someone to appreciate me whilst spending my time here on earth. For he said, “it is not good for man to be alone, I will create a helper for him.”

The imagination of my mind runs wild with her love; her loving presence, her support, her ability to be my helper, her touch and her soft caring caress. I look forward to the days that she is mine.

As I grew in my faith, my sight and hopes of her was starting to dwindle. Occasionally, bursts of hope would be pumped into me. God encouraged me to go back to online dating through Match.com for my final pursuit. Speaking of Match? What a wonderful blessing it is that websites like this exist for people who are serious about dating. However, I pray for the increase of people like me looking for love that walks obedient towards God. The world of love would be much more beautiful if we all aimed to please God rather than ourselves. As experienced previously, people would see my profile and disregard it because of my level of faith. I remember there were times that I had over 100 woman view my online profile in any given day and decide to move on or neglect it. Now, I don’t think I am a bad looking guy and I think I have good values so this kind of treatment actually hurt me to my core and it also drove me crazy because of how surprising the result was. I would say roughly 98% of the woman skipped my online profile and went onto the next person.

Was I being protected? Perhaps. Was I being preserved? Definitely. This last time was the charm. At least, I am starting to think so.

I felt like I had to be completely open and really transparent in my faith, so I began by writing an entire new profile on my online dating app. By this time of my life, expressing my love for God was something very natural and super easy to do so I focused in on that. I obviously by now, I had no more time or patience for games. I was looking for my reflection. I was looking for her my rib.

If it was going to be the one, I was to seek someone that appreciated me at the core of my being. It was to be someone seeking and having daily communion with God just like me.

“I just wanted you to know that what your doing is right,” as a young beautiful Latin woman landed on my profile page mysteriously trying to pique her interests indirectly. Our first date…well, you can say that I literally spit out my guts of my past experiences for five straight hours! I even talked so much unveiling myself, I drove myself to a severe headache! I couldn’t imagine hers, but I hoped I left a good impression on her.

I was very open, honest, transparent and straight to the point. I noticed in the past, every time I tried to beat around what I was looking for; I was keeping myself from finding what I wanted. It was like my past experiences all led me straight up to this moment. It was on this very date that I knew I had to be quick to tell her that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. Surprisingly enough, as God works in mysterious ways, we were aligned; perfectly, and most importantly, on his time.

You’re probably wondering what made my online dating profile so different. Have a read.

If there’s one thing I know for certain; the true love of my life; the one for me, the one that fits the puzzle piece; my rib, the desire of my heart, the one that God wants for me. I won’t find her, or she won’t find me until I first come to seek and know him first.

So, you may stop here and wonder why is his faith so strong? Well, I have experienced what God is capable of doing in my own life. I have quite the testimony. I have seen what 14 years of disobedience can do to yourself and been through the process to correct it. It is not easy, it is painful, scary, sorrowful, and you know the best part of it today? The gift. The love on my heart. I am 1000 times better than I once was. I get to experience this love so precious I cannot fathom to explain it. It is a pure happiness and joy. Lavished in his peace every second I choose to desire. I have been in the footprints of a ‘doubter’ and I watched my life fall apart. I have been in the footprint of a believer and I watched, and I am watching God work miracles in me and through me.

I am exactly where I belong and belonged all along.

I don’t doubt one second that he would want to show you too. Whilst I am not perfect; I know the desire in my heart. It’s there for a reason.

Ladies; your to be respected, your to be loved, protected and provided for. Love yourselves! Wait patiently for the right guy. Respect yourselves.

Integrity and modesty is super, super attractive to good and decent men.. Any kind of ‘Good’ or righteousness is only found in God. It is the truth. If you want a good loving man; find one that loves God. I once watched a man say his vows to his wife on his wedding day that really touched my heart deeply, “I am never going to divorce you. It is not an option! As Christ loves me, I am going to love you.” I think this is the way we are all meant to love; unconditionally. Kind of like Jesus going around to wash each other’s feet. We must do the same. That’s where I am at a spiritual maturity level today.

Remove the things in relationships that break them… Cheating? Lies? Money? Abuse? Lack of attention? Lack of listening? You can name a few more. Is there love in any of those things?

Remove them. What are you left with now?

Now you understand me. Thank you for reading my profile.

I hope that you find the one you secretly ask God for in your bedroom whilst in tears or not; late at night, before you go to bed.

Surrender.

Now, here is your wife.

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